DAMN IT!!!!

i kind of must keep something down here. after all, i cannot let it go with the time passing by. just can't.

 

we are friends, intimate friends. at the moment, the time we spent together popped into my head again. the concert, the dinners, shopping, KTV, and the most important, talking. i do believe in the connection between us. it is not very easy to have such kind of person around, which i should learn to appreciate, and i do.

i cannot remember when things began to be kind of different. having no sense of the change was totally a lie. but i kept pretending, like no change at all. we are still best friends, but just friends. to me, something i am not sure about is no more than something that does not exist at all. but i could easily feel your care for me. i am never that indifferent. however, what could i do except for keep pretending? it is just not the right thing to do.

 

that night, Will called me, asked me if i had known something about you, or not. obviously i had not. it was so abrupt. there was no sign boforehand at all. but i was not that surprised. it was like sonething that should happen, the right thing. and i am quite happy for you, for her, and for us, and the four. we are still friends, almost no change at all.

 

but it was not over.

that afternoon, you told me everything, finally. though i could feel something beforehand, it was still a shock to me, a shock for your telling me the truth. what were you doing? what the hell did you want? why did you choose to let me know it instead of letting it just go? why not just let things stay where they were?

we could not go back any more, after your confession.

 

someone told me that you made that decision simply because you never wanna make me uncomfortable or guilty of..

so you did something first, making the situation easier for me and us to handle.

i was really touched. thank you, really. 

no one ever did that much for me before.

 

we four had lunch together.  just as i had guessed, it felt kind of wired, awkward, unnatural.

during the lunch, Will wanted to talk about this stuff a little, but JJ stopped him everytime he started the topic, and then she changed it.

we have tried best to keep things going as the same way as before. great efforts.

 

i am just wondering, what the hell are you thinking about?

cherish everything that you have already had now.

love someone that you should love. never hurt them.

be more responsible for your own choice.

that is what a man should do.

 

i pray for all of you, all of us.

 

stop mumbling here, enough already. not that serious after all.

 

oh one more thing, we are friends, forever.