crowded,  men and women,  everywhere

 

it is still the same way

nothing has ever changed

is it really that difficult to turn around

trying to survive

not sure if ever done

 

two days before IBT

Sherry COME ON!!!!

 

oh takumi will take it too

GOD BLESS US

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rufus said so to Lily.

I love this line. I didn't know why, but now I do.

I've been missing you for a while, dear J^^^^^

 

finally i am able to see you in less than two months~

looking forward to a perfect you~~

soon i will go back to NJ, this Saturday. i hate myself always complaining about the time flying. but i am doing it, now, again. LOL~

 

vocations are never gonna be long enough~

 

this morning i got up early for the 51th Grammy. honestly it was not as enjoyable as i thought

except for Adele, that cute and sweet girl

she is a beautiful surprise^^

 

 

 

 

I love Corrinne May.

 

at home, eating a horse, sleeping a big...hey~

worrying about the holiday weight :)

anyway, cherish every minute at home

 

you say I am happy now

I am not sure what you mean by saying HAPPY

so ironic

give me the answer

let me judge if I am really THAT HAPPY or not

 

Fly away

but i can never be a bird

 

 

thanks for everything happening in 2008.

many thanks.

 

2009 is coming.

i wanna see a different me, a better me.

stronger, happier, more ME.

 

the end.

i am waiting

please stop playing games

neither can afford

 

i seem to be what really matters

while the only outsider at the same time

 

what the hell

 

i am not a fool

 

remember

 

yeah  you are right

i am writing here for U

don't be mad

clam down  dude

 

 

 

 

sound good, taste good

but too good to believe, to hold, to keep, to be true

 

i've just read your words

they are touching

you see, i have the guts to admit

 

i've never expected that way, however

i've never realized you would care so much

sorry

 

brothers and sisters?

maybe

kind of weird, actually

 

pieces, mess, keys, notes

that's all.

 

 

 

The end.

Thanksgiving Day.

"Thanks."

Only one word.

A call.

A chance.

A confession.

 

But the end will never change.

 

Thanks.

I am so sorry.

 

 

seemingly no passion for everything.

 

sleeping, eating, study, paper, movie, music, shopping...

being alone...

 

no more than that.

It is really all about you.

all the answers, reasons, and excuses.

 

wanna let it go

save you, save me

 

while it is never easy.

There´s a song that inside of my soul.
It´s the one that I´ve tried to
write over and over again.
I´m awake in the infinite cold,
but you sing to me over and over and over gain.

So I lay my head back down,
and I lift my hands and pray
to be only yours I pray to be only yours.
I know now you´re my only hope.

Sing to me the song of the stars.
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again.
When it feels like my dreams are so far,
sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again.

So I lay my head back down,
and I lift my hands and pray to be only yours I pray to be only yours.
I know now you´re my only hope.

I give you my destiny.
I´m giving you all of me.
I want your symphony.
Singing in all that I am.
At the top of my lungs,
I´m giving it back.

So I lay my head back down,
and I lift my hands and pray
to be only yours I pray to be only yours.
I know now you´re my only hope.

 

 

dear juliet gave this song to me years ago. it has always been in my lap, not played very often though. today i happened to bring it out, of the sea of MP3s or WMAs, and of those past years of stories. it sounds so wonderful.

 

these days, busy, busier, and busiest. but you know i am not the socalled longlasing type. anyway being busy is far better than nothing to do. at least i have been trying to be more than me. so many are watching. i cannot afford a failure.

 

you're my only hope. exactly. while it feels so hard to keep the door open for you. or, i cannot hardly ever open my door for you. sorry.

 

everyone has his own way of life. i have no right to judge anyone, anything. live my own damn life, and do my damn best.

 

hope left, i guess.

 

 

 

 

honestly i prefer it is not true.

 

my older brother broke up with his gf several days ago. he called me that night, after getting a little drunk. i could easily feel that he was trying so hard to hold back his tears. it was the first time when i heard him crying.

 

i cannot find a word to make him feel better. they were so in love that they often talked about the marriage thing. the smiles on their faces even made me sort of jealous.. joking~ but i was really happy for them. being together for 4 years.. it was never a short time.

 

he told me that his confidence had gone. he was not sure if he could find another chance to be involved in a relationship, or how long it would take to get over this issue and move on.

 

i asked why things happened like this. silence between us almost killed me. after a while he said: "she said the love has gone. and soon she will go to Korea with a korean guy."

 

i was stunned. words failed me. i could not believe it was true. she used to love my brother so much. she often told me she was happy. and i treated her as my family, trusred her, and loved her.

 

"love fades. never give your heart completely to someone. this is what i learn from the EXPERIENCE." my brother told me so.

 

i don't know. i am not sure if i can agree with this.

 

love fades? if so, how pathetic we are.

 

 

i came across the word yesterday. and surprisingly i like it so much~ no reason~

 

these days it has been too COLD here, raining on and off, and the sky gray.. without my favorate bright sunshine, which  kinda makes me down.

 

Olympics are going well in Beijing~ when the red flag is rising, when the song is playing, when tears are running on faces, i feel so proud~~ i am so grateful that i am a Chinese!! i love my country so much, which i have never realized before.

 

my flight is due on Aug 26th.  only 10 days left here.. sort of upset

but on the other hand, i have begun to expect to be back. NJ, though far less wonderful than CQ, is one of my second cities~

i might should learn to love it more

 

the coming days are full of uncertainties. fear or not. i am not sure.

 

i wanna my sunshine back!!!!!

Linkin P always offers me something special.

recently they have come back, playing and singing over and over again.

they cure me, and also complete me.

 

i know things are different now, and i know i can never fix it by myself.

i am just a sherry. only a sherry. ^@^

 

they have their own life. i have no right to ask them to do anything.

all i should do is accept the reality, and just let go.

i am so worried. i hope they both can have a better life.

cuz they deserve better after all.

 

i know they don't belong to each other.

but where?

and where do i belong?

 

i am lacking in the sense of belonging.

how pathetic.

 

 

everyone knows it. it freaks me out.

for such a long time i had flattered myself that this "secret" only belonged to me and some intimate friends.

how stupid, how childish, i was, and i am.

it turns out that i have been acting as an idiot in front of everyone, which i had no idea about completely.

it can be a shame. it is.

 

i know guys will not laugh at me. they are my friends, and they will accept all of me.

but still, i feel awful, unsafe, and hopeless.

 

i really have no idea about what to do with that ISSUE.

to be or not to be, it is a question.

i have my own world, and someone has his.

is there anything the two worlds share?

 

things have turned out for Zoe. happy for her, and JOURNEY.

all those tough days have gone. hope they happy ever after.

 

save me from myself.

it is a song that Zoe brings to me.

 

but who can?

 

 

 

 

over 10 days, at home, happy^@^

eating, sleeping, TV, shopping...

and there are always different kinds of food waiting for me~~

I have a great MUM~~ 

lol~~

 

 

 

someone is staying in BJ

preparing for the volunteer work for the olympics

she is happy

 

someone has gone to northern europe

enjoying food there, and the fabulous scenery

he is happy

 

someone has just left CQ for Indonesia

someone has  come back from Austrilia

 

they are all happy

 

ARE YOU HAPPY?

i've never realized that i love CQ so much~

being re-organized~~

 

those annoying stuff, and people      GO TO HELL!!!

 

this is another world, my EDEN, with my loved ones.

 

seemingly i've never said the three words to you face to face.

i should have, actually.

 

Dad, i love you.

I thought I had learnt to move on

 

unfortunately

apparently

I have never been  over you

 

just cannot lie to myself

 

how pathetic I am

DAMN IT!!!!