左耳在哪里

crowded,  men and women,  everywhere

 

it is still the same way

nothing has ever changed

is it really that difficult to turn around

trying to survive

not sure if ever done

 

two days before IBT

Sherry COME ON!!!!

 

oh takumi will take it too

GOD BLESS US

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rufus said so to Lily.

I love this line. I didn't know why, but now I do.

I've been missing you for a while, dear J^^^^^

 

finally i am able to see you in less than two months~

looking forward to a perfect you~~

soon i will go back to NJ, this Saturday. i hate myself always complaining about the time flying. but i am doing it, now, again. LOL~

 

vocations are never gonna be long enough~

 

this morning i got up early for the 51th Grammy. honestly it was not as enjoyable as i thought

except for Adele, that cute and sweet girl

she is a beautiful surprise^^

 

 

 

 

I love Corrinne May.

 

at home, eating a horse, sleeping a big...hey~

worrying about the holiday weight :)

anyway, cherish every minute at home

 

you say I am happy now

I am not sure what you mean by saying HAPPY

so ironic

give me the answer

let me judge if I am really THAT HAPPY or not

 

Fly away

but i can never be a bird

 

 

thanks for everything happening in 2008.

many thanks.

 

2009 is coming.

i wanna see a different me, a better me.

stronger, happier, more ME.

 

the end.

i am waiting

please stop playing games

neither can afford

 

i seem to be what really matters

while the only outsider at the same time

 

what the hell

 

i am not a fool

 

remember

 

yeah  you are right

i am writing here for U

don't be mad

clam down  dude

 

 

 

 

sound good, taste good

but too good to believe, to hold, to keep, to be true

 

i've just read your words

they are touching

you see, i have the guts to admit

 

i've never expected that way, however

i've never realized you would care so much

sorry

 

brothers and sisters?

maybe

kind of weird, actually

 

pieces, mess, keys, notes

that's all.

 

 

 

The end.

Thanksgiving Day.

"Thanks."

Only one word.

A call.

A chance.

A confession.

 

But the end will never change.

 

Thanks.

I am so sorry.

 

 

seemingly no passion for everything.

 

sleeping, eating, study, paper, movie, music, shopping...

being alone...

 

no more than that.

It is really all about you.

all the answers, reasons, and excuses.

 

wanna let it go

save you, save me

 

while it is never easy.

There´s a song that inside of my soul.
It´s the one that I´ve tried to
write over and over again.
I´m awake in the infinite cold,
but you sing to me over and over and over gain.

So I lay my head back down,
and I lift my hands and pray
to be only yours I pray to be only yours.
I know now you´re my only hope.

Sing to me the song of the stars.
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again.
When it feels like my dreams are so far,
sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again.

So I lay my head back down,
and I lift my hands and pray to be only yours I pray to be only yours.
I know now you´re my only hope.

I give you my destiny.
I´m giving you all of me.
I want your symphony.
Singing in all that I am.
At the top of my lungs,
I´m giving it back.

So I lay my head back down,
and I lift my hands and pray
to be only yours I pray to be only yours.
I know now you´re my only hope.

 

 

dear juliet gave this song to me years ago. it has always been in my lap, not played very often though. today i happened to bring it out, of the sea of MP3s or WMAs, and of those past years of stories. it sounds so wonderful.

 

these days, busy, busier, and busiest. but you know i am not the socalled longlasing type. anyway being busy is far better than nothing to do. at least i have been trying to be more than me. so many are watching. i cannot afford a failure.

 

you're my only hope. exactly. while it feels so hard to keep the door open for you. or, i cannot hardly ever open my door for you. sorry.

 

everyone has his own way of life. i have no right to judge anyone, anything. live my own damn life, and do my damn best.

 

hope left, i guess.

 

 

 

 

honestly i prefer it is not true.

 

my older brother broke up with his gf several days ago. he called me that night, after getting a little drunk. i could easily feel that he was trying so hard to hold back his tears. it was the first time when i heard him crying.

 

i cannot find a word to make him feel better. they were so in love that they often talked about the marriage thing. the smiles on their faces even made me sort of jealous.. joking~ but i was really happy for them. being together for 4 years.. it was never a short time.

 

he told me that his confidence had gone. he was not sure if he could find another chance to be involved in a relationship, or how long it would take to get over this issue and move on.

 

i asked why things happened like this. silence between us almost killed me. after a while he said: "she said the love has gone. and soon she will go to Korea with a korean guy."

 

i was stunned. words failed me. i could not believe it was true. she used to love my brother so much. she often told me she was happy. and i treated her as my family, trusred her, and loved her.

 

"love fades. never give your heart completely to someone. this is what i learn from the EXPERIENCE." my brother told me so.

 

i don't know. i am not sure if i can agree with this.

 

love fades? if so, how pathetic we are.

 

 

i came across the word yesterday. and surprisingly i like it so much~ no reason~

 

these days it has been too COLD here, raining on and off, and the sky gray.. without my favorate bright sunshine, which  kinda makes me down.

 

Olympics are going well in Beijing~ when the red flag is rising, when the song is playing, when tears are running on faces, i feel so proud~~ i am so grateful that i am a Chinese!! i love my country so much, which i have never realized before.

 

my flight is due on Aug 26th.  only 10 days left here.. sort of upset

but on the other hand, i have begun to expect to be back. NJ, though far less wonderful than CQ, is one of my second cities~

i might should learn to love it more

 

the coming days are full of uncertainties. fear or not. i am not sure.

 

i wanna my sunshine back!!!!!

Linkin P always offers me something special.

recently they have come back, playing and singing over and over again.

they cure me, and also complete me.

 

i know things are different now, and i know i can never fix it by myself.

i am just a sherry. only a sherry. ^@^

 

they have their own life. i have no right to ask them to do anything.

all i should do is accept the reality, and just let go.

i am so worried. i hope they both can have a better life.

cuz they deserve better after all.

 

i know they don't belong to each other.

but where?

and where do i belong?

 

i am lacking in the sense of belonging.

how pathetic.

 

 

everyone knows it. it freaks me out.

for such a long time i had flattered myself that this "secret" only belonged to me and some intimate friends.

how stupid, how childish, i was, and i am.

it turns out that i have been acting as an idiot in front of everyone, which i had no idea about completely.

it can be a shame. it is.

 

i know guys will not laugh at me. they are my friends, and they will accept all of me.

but still, i feel awful, unsafe, and hopeless.

 

i really have no idea about what to do with that ISSUE.

to be or not to be, it is a question.

i have my own world, and someone has his.

is there anything the two worlds share?

 

things have turned out for Zoe. happy for her, and JOURNEY.

all those tough days have gone. hope they happy ever after.

 

save me from myself.

it is a song that Zoe brings to me.

 

but who can?

 

 

 

 

over 10 days, at home, happy^@^

eating, sleeping, TV, shopping...

and there are always different kinds of food waiting for me~~

I have a great MUM~~ 

lol~~

 

 

 

someone is staying in BJ

preparing for the volunteer work for the olympics

she is happy

 

someone has gone to northern europe

enjoying food there, and the fabulous scenery

he is happy

 

someone has just left CQ for Indonesia

someone has  come back from Austrilia

 

they are all happy

 

ARE YOU HAPPY?

i've never realized that i love CQ so much~

being re-organized~~

 

those annoying stuff, and people      GO TO HELL!!!

 

this is another world, my EDEN, with my loved ones.

 

seemingly i've never said the three words to you face to face.

i should have, actually.

 

Dad, i love you.

I thought I had learnt to move on

 

unfortunately

apparently

I have never been  over you

 

just cannot lie to myself

 

how pathetic I am

DAMN IT!!!!

i kind of must keep something down here. after all, i cannot let it go with the time passing by. just can't.

 

we are friends, intimate friends. at the moment, the time we spent together popped into my head again. the concert, the dinners, shopping, KTV, and the most important, talking. i do believe in the connection between us. it is not very easy to have such kind of person around, which i should learn to appreciate, and i do.

i cannot remember when things began to be kind of different. having no sense of the change was totally a lie. but i kept pretending, like no change at all. we are still best friends, but just friends. to me, something i am not sure about is no more than something that does not exist at all. but i could easily feel your care for me. i am never that indifferent. however, what could i do except for keep pretending? it is just not the right thing to do.

 

that night, Will called me, asked me if i had known something about you, or not. obviously i had not. it was so abrupt. there was no sign boforehand at all. but i was not that surprised. it was like sonething that should happen, the right thing. and i am quite happy for you, for her, and for us, and the four. we are still friends, almost no change at all.

 

but it was not over.

that afternoon, you told me everything, finally. though i could feel something beforehand, it was still a shock to me, a shock for your telling me the truth. what were you doing? what the hell did you want? why did you choose to let me know it instead of letting it just go? why not just let things stay where they were?

we could not go back any more, after your confession.

 

someone told me that you made that decision simply because you never wanna make me uncomfortable or guilty of..

so you did something first, making the situation easier for me and us to handle.

i was really touched. thank you, really. 

no one ever did that much for me before.

 

we four had lunch together.  just as i had guessed, it felt kind of wired, awkward, unnatural.

during the lunch, Will wanted to talk about this stuff a little, but JJ stopped him everytime he started the topic, and then she changed it.

we have tried best to keep things going as the same way as before. great efforts.

 

i am just wondering, what the hell are you thinking about?

cherish everything that you have already had now.

love someone that you should love. never hurt them.

be more responsible for your own choice.

that is what a man should do.

 

i pray for all of you, all of us.

 

stop mumbling here, enough already. not that serious after all.

 

oh one more thing, we are friends, forever.

 

someone asked me:

"hey, how's everything going these days? you have nothing new here, so is that supposed to mean that everything is ok for you?"

 

seems like i am always complaining here..       

^@^   i shouldn't have~~ hoho~~

 

the mid-term exam was done. oh, I was so scared of it before that day. to be honest, I have paid very little attention to my stusy these days. it's a shame. always doing this, doing that, all kinds of stuff. maybe that "omplicated period of time“ has come already. many decisions to make, many yeses or nos to choose. complicated, just as you said long time ago. I can only say that I am such a lucky dog that my scores of the test is not that bad, not good enough though. but I know that is kind of price I have to pay for the consequences of my own choices. I have totally accepted it. and I am grateful.

 

is there a kind of so-called Adolescence Syndrome? maybe there is, for I seem to be suffering from it. the last minute something or someone was so beautiful to me, but the next they are no more disgusting. "maybe I am a freak.” all right, be a freak. you don't have to be tolerant, cuz I won't either.

 

now i firmly believe in "the first impression counts a lot". so much, I have to say. I remember the first day we met. i was not that sure whether I hated you, but I knew it clearly that I didn't like you that much. and maybe that's the source, the very beginning of all that stuff.

I've been thinking about this for a while. I also wonder why. while I cannot figure out clearly. ironically, I should have liked you, which the others may take for granted.

stupid. more stupid.

 

and sorry to someone, who care me so much.

sorry for nothing I can do to pay off.

 

thank god I have enough good friends, both near and not that near me. I am not alone, and I am quite safe, though sometimes the sense of lacking in safety takes full control of me. I should have been more confident about myself, my friends, and the world. those happy moments we have spent together have proved that. what more could i ask for? I have you guys. that means the world to me.

 

forget all those chiidish words above. I am happy, and WE will be more HAPPIER^_^

When I was depressed and really wanted to talk, I thought of nobody but you, and then I called you, and then I felt much better.

 

But I'm quite confused that why I called you, not anybody else? Who are you? I was supposed to turn to someone nearer to me.

 

Something is destined to be only told to somebody, regardless of who the Somebody really are.

 

At least I can make sure that I'm very lucky to have you there, not near, yet not far.

Thanks again.

 

 

 

"I miss you, and I've been missing you for a while." I wanna say it out, just as Rufus did.

You say you wanna meet me there. So do I.

Fine. I promise you. I will be there, asap.

Cannot wait~~ But it takes time, you know.

So, let's wait for that day, that moment. It won't be long.

I love you.